A TWO YEAR OLD IS LIKE A BLENDER WITHOUT A LID by MARGARET FROM MAINE

 Did you ever try to make a smoothie?  Should be simple right?  Just pile in the veggies or the fruit, add ice cubes, maybe water or almond milk, or whatever?  Mix it up on high, or low if you want to see the ingredients fold into the mix, and voila! A lovely drink, smooth, no trace of any one thing, but a delicious and creamy combination that pleases the pallet.  BUT, mix the ingredients without the lid on, and the whole thing explodes all over the place! 

Well, it’s like that with two year olds!  If you’re a first time mom, you look forward to a child’s growth-- intellectually, emotionally, and physically! After all, you positively measure everything every day and chart your baby’s growth. You have all the books on what to expect at each stage of your child’s growth and development. It seems almost too neat and precise.  Ask any seasoned Mom!  The book says… and so you measure as told by the latest “expert” of the day!  Now everybody with a Ph.D. has a book out!  

The experts are pretty generic in their expectations.  You long for the Two Year Old stage. You know intellectually that baby is small and helpless, and it is your duty as a parent to teach, to parent, to nanny, to…to…to…. But if your child were only two years old, at least he could walk by himself, climb up on the couch by himself, climb up into the car seat by himself, and –bonus--you might actually get the needed rest your weary body deserves! 

Did you actually think that would really happen?  Didn’t you see the word “terrible” before the word two’s?  They do it purposely you know—to stay vague.  Terrible is a vague and really huge word that experts hope you will gloss over.  Actually, you ask yourself, how terrible can that really be, after all?  You’ve been through child birth, through breast-feeding 24/7, through almost two years of sleep deprivation, through intimacy issues with your significant other because baby is sleeping smack dab between the two of you most of the time, even though baby has a designer crib to sleep in--with mobiles hanging from the sky and toys that entertain him should he awaken, and sound vibrations that should, theoretically, lull him to sleep instantaneously!  But that never works.  

You child is the lovely smoothie that you created.  Now he’s about to explode but not because of anything you did.  Everything you’ve ever known about this little, predictable bundle of joy is about to change. Your way of life will be changed forever. Just when you have his nap schedule down pat, so that you do have an extra minute to clean, or read, or do work on your computer (you can usually set your clock by his naptime routine), all hell breaks loose—hence the Terrible Two’s wreaks havoc on every aspect of your life. The lid is off the blender and the s**t has hit the fan! 

 No more predictable schedule!  Your child lives in the moment, literally.  If he feels like toddling over to the dog and pulling his tail, or opening the lock on a doorknob advertised as “child proof”, or toddling over to visit your neighbors, without asking permission—he will do just that!  He might stop several times, to pick grass, or watch a pigeon s**t on your car, or jump into a puddle!  He may take off his shoes and hurl them at passing cars, or even sit down on the sidewalk to watch ants walk by. That’s two. He’s never where you think he is. 

Learning consumes every waking moment-- the good, the bad, and the ugly.  He is sensory, all taste buds on high alert as he picks through the garbage, or unwraps a poopy diaper and places it on his head, poop and all—trust me, true story! You can’t make that stuff up!  He is tactile. He feels the texture of food, learning about cause and effect, as he tosses his squished spaghetti on the floor or mashes it into his hair.  He’s in the moment, and you can smile if you realize this phenomenon!  No iPad or fancy toys needed.  In the moment.  No interactive anything required. 

He is the interloper, the one who makes things happen. He learns through bodily movements what happens to him if he runs too fast—and then cries for you when he runs into the proverbial wall, because his center of gravity has not yet matured and he just can’t stop in time! 

He’s really in the Terrific Twos, if you can see the learning take place and participate when asked or when he is about to electrocute himself by experimenting. For instance, what happens to a fork when he sticks it into the electrical socket? You know, but he’s bound and determined to find out for himself.  Oh, you thought those child proof caps would hang tight to the plugs?  You really thought they would protect baby from a electrocuting himself?  Silly you!  A two year old can figure out things a rocket scientist could only dream about! 

Oh, did I forget to tell you that a two year old is opinionated and bossy and loves the word NO, even if he doesn’t mean no, but really means YES!  It makes him feel powerful.  He must feel he is in control. And he throws the temper tantrum to prove it! His demanding nature, if channeled, can turn him into tomorrow’s leader!  You might provide some choice, limiting him a choice between two things.  And allow your toddler to figure out which one suits him best!  Then later, add one more choice to the mix.  Remember, the lid is off. All bets are off, unless you find the lid--translated-- reign in the choices.  But do give some responsibility to your toddler.  Never take the lid entirely off!  Never say, “What do you want to do?” Too broad, no control, and a major mistake! If your little tyke wants to take a trip to grandma’s house and she lives in Alaska, that’s out!  So limit the scope of choices to things you know are possible.

And always remember that your toddler is constantly thinking outside the neat little box your books on stages of growth and development have placed him in. Be prepared for him to feed the cat your bake-sale cookies or place a large creative mural on your freshly painted living room wall—and you thought you were watching his every movement!  You don’t have eyes in the back of your head. It only takes a Nano-second for creativity or danger to rear its ugly head and for chaos to reign down on your smoothly run house.

Your child needs creative outlets, true.  Allowing a “free zone”-- like the driveway and chalk, or a place he can let it all hang out, will pay dividends. Who knows, he may to the next Picasso—and your patience will not be worn thin.   

Hang tight! And don’t rush the Terrible Twos.  Savor them, knowing that soon, your child will be a parent himself, and your memories will be captured on your photo-frame, endlessly rolling round and round on your bureau, reminding you of the good old days. 

Remember to keep the blender whirring along, with the lid sometimes half on, but never entirely off.  Let this amazing two year old mix up his own smoothie, his own creative way of experiencing the world.  Your job is to guide him, to watch, and laugh as he makes sense out of everything! Be in the moment with your toddler. 

I’m not even going to tell you what to expect when your child is a teenager! That’s too scary a thought! 

SILENCE by PAULETTE FROM IOWA

Interesting, how silence can be deafening. It proves that we need the everyday noises to know we are alive: From the buzzing of the fly in the bedroom at night, to using an electronic megaphone, to the beeping of the microwave when it has completed its task, to a child's chanting to get our attention.        
    My granddaughter loves to tell me to “sit down” -- like I wouldn't love to. It is so important to her that I am within eyesight.
    Her mom worked on potty training her. I tried, but it was truly hard and her doctor gave i
nstructions as to what would work on an autistic child. God bless him, it worked. It worked so well, in fact, that she's trying to potty train me and her dolls-- and there are very few accidents with her dedicated vigilance! Needless to say, she is my bathroom monitor and inspector every time I need to use the restroom. There's no escaping. I've tried distracting her, tip toeing around her, slipping into the downstairs bathroom to evade her ‘inspection’, all to no avail. This procedure includes outside restrooms as well. I am under the impression I must become invisible. Once I waited until she was asleep to take a bath, quietly gathering my bath things. It was heaven for about three minutes. Then it was the attack of the rubber ducks, who I might add have creepy eyes. Like a Hitchcock movie, the curtain drew back and pajamas and all, I had a companion in the tub! So much for a relaxing bubble bath. No yelling or screaming, except for the laughter! She thought she was being helpful--not quite. We dried off, got new pajamas on, and read a story before falling asleep, that is, both of us sound asleep!
     I believe reading and talking about a story is important. You get to see a child's perspective. Autism sees the world so wondrously and differently. It takes everything to a different level. You see a cloud; they see art. You see rain; they see tears; you see a mountain they see a new world. It's sad when they become overwhelmed and their brain can't process. Sometimes, the meltdown is a day or two away. Meltdowns are hard: sometimes they need a hug, which grandma never runs out of; sometimes they need to self-soothe. The predictability of life clashes with the need for similarity or sameness. It amazes me that she recalls every crayon. One missing is a code blue. She loves routine. Sometimes I fear OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), but I try to add variety and try to make it acceptable. I mix things up intentionally, the alphabet, the numbers, a song. But, she catches it, proudly corrects me, and continues on.
    Autism is like building a home with lots of windows but not many doors.

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